pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
