you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
