How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
