you traded sex for a burrito?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
