yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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