Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
