apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There are leaves in my underwear?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
