she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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