Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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