You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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