Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you never un-have a 4some
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
