It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
