We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
