she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
