Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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