11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
