just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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