she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
