I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
