dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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