I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
