U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
