My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
