I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
