my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
