dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can I color on your dick again?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
