I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
