I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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