Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
