I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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