Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
