just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
