Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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