Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
