I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
