Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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