i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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