i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
