You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
