i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
