I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
