would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
