The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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