Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
