How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
