i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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