Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
