Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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