your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
