just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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