You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
