mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
