I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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