So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
