Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
