his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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